woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
