My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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