Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
