we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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