I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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