And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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