you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
