You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My pussy is not your playground.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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