it was like his penis was on wheels.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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