All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
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