so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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