there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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