You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
