We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
