Need sex. Gaining weight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
