you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
