I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You left your phone here
Wait...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
