Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
