I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
