i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
