You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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