So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
