I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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