I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
