How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
