it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
