three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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