I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
