There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
