How'd it feel making her break her religion?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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