we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
