I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
