Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
