She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
