you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He better not be in your backpack
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
