I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
