Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
