3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
