if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
