I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
