Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
