Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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