i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
