I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
