she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
is it fun? or sober?
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