i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
