Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
