I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
