Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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