I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
from now on my penis is your penis
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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