If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
