last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
