hell yes lets make some ravioli
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
