God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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