a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
