shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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