I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
