im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
