Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
