I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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